Truth has a curious tendency to hide behind closed doors, and yet it shines with a spark brighter than the sun. Everything from a leer to an inappropriate gesture or word, from groping to use of physical or verbal force is part of assault. Everything that violates consent is assault. It is NOT easy to speak out about having been harassed. It is difficult, uncomfortable, painful, saddening, and incredibly personal. Over the years, I have been hearing and reading brave and honest narratives by survivors – yes, survivors! The word victim places power where it does not and should not reside – of abuse – physical, verbal, emotional, sexual, or a combination of these. Every voice has given me strength and hope: it’s made me cry yet smile, driven me mad with anger while simultaneously filled me with awe and determination to speak out, listen, and wear my scars with pride, to not let shame or blame diminish my power. These scars aren’t physical – they do not always have to be – but they are scars nonetheless, and I haven’t deserved them.
Even with all my education, diverse reading, writing, and courage, I still find it extremely painful and disturbing to describe how these countless scars came into existence. Therefore, I understand how difficult it is to say #MeToo. No one says it lightly, or merely to become part of a trend on social media. Anyone who has ever faced abuse in any form is incapable of mocking it, or those who speak out. Those who believe that they don’t owe it to anyone to recount their experiences have every right not to, just as those who believe they want to put words to their scars and power to their pain have every right to do so. It’s incredible how those two approaches are often pitted against each other despite both sets of people being part of the same tribe of survivors. I respect someone’s decision not to say ‘Me too’; it’s a personal and empowered choice in many ways. But said someone does not get to insult my choice to speak out. My scars, my words, or my narrative are not confined by a hashtag or anyone’s judgement, and nor are theirs. Our voices matter! Let’s not drown them in a debate about which approach is the best, when both the approaches aim at dealing with the collective violation of our HUMAN RIGHTS. Let us focus on acknowledging the problem, and solving it.
A few minutes ago, I read a fellow writer’s account of her scars, and it gave me more strength than I can possibly convey. I thank her for her voice! Perhaps, she won’t ever know the hope she’s lent me, as have others before her. If I can share that hope with someone, I am ready to collaborate with as many seemingly fickle hashtags as possible. It’s the MESSAGE that matters, not the medium it uses. This narrative is not about one person, but about everyone – man, woman, child, and animal – who has ever been on the receiving end of what is a very real and tangible depravity of our species. Change begins at home: how can we discount the significance of speaking about respect and equality when it is these conversations that carry the seeds of hope and change?! I have been stared at, verbally abused, and groped. I have learnt to fight back, speak out, and resist. So yes, I say ‘Me too’; I have always said so, and always will, because it is the truth. And the truth cannot be eclipsed!
Random Musings Of A Scholar 